It Still Burns
by paintedallup
Summary: OFC - Lois Murphy, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Jim Murphy, and John Winchester.
1. Family

Chapter One:

_'Be careful out there, little girl. I'll be praying for you, and I hope you do the same. - Jim'_

"Dean and Sam Winchester?"

The body of the supernatural piece of crap was still smoking when I reached out my hand to help Sam off the ground.

('_trust me, honey, you'll know which one's Sammy. It only takes one look in those eyes of his._')

"Thanks, I'm Sam and the one covered in monster guts is Dean."

it helps more then you could possibly know to sense where and when their going to strike but knowing where the blood will splatter would get rid of a whole lot of dry cleaning bills.

"Yeah, thanks for that, sweetheart."

The moment Dean opened his mouth, the very thing that I would soon come to loath with a passion, I saw so much of John in him so I let the '_sweetheart_' slide, for today.

(only John wouldn't get a swift kick to the gut for saying that)

"I'm going to take that as a thanks for saving your ass rather then a compliant about a speak of blood on your sleeve."

It helped to picture John in his place, even now every time I picture him it's as a hero and nothing less (the father I had for a millisecond), with a wicked smile every time I acted up saying _'temper, temper_'.

"We didn't need our asses saved, baby."

Before I let myself faultless and deliver that kick, John's promise to kick his ass for me ringing in my ears, I swallowed my hot words and got right down to business.

"Your father sent me here, before he went and disappeared on us."

As I brought up the very reason they were out here I could sense that they were brimming over with worry just like me the moment John's gruff voice flooded over my cellphone.

-

"I don't know if I'll make it back, honey, so I need you to do me a favor."

Months had passed since he had called passing along bits about spooks and monsters under the bed, each one I already had done in a few days ago, knowing that he was only checking it.

(_'I'll check into it, John, now how is my big bad hunter?'_)

"Of course, you know I would do anything for you, John. I owe you my life and that won't will get repaid until I wind up saving your ass."

Years had passed since I'd spoken of the day that brought John Winchester storming into my life but I could still feel the flames licking my face (and burning my world away).

"I hate to ask you to leave Jimmy, but if I know my boys they will be looking for me. And trust me they will be better off with you watching their backs."

Over the years John had spent days here and there with me, without him I don't know what kind of hunter I would have become, filling my ears with _'Dean's so brave, I'm so proud of him_' and '_My Sammy's so smart, it won't belong before he leaves me_'.

"You didn't even need to ask. The moment they hit the road I'll be right behind them, John, after all every hinter needs a danger detector."

From the millions of calls he's spent on me I could see him and his sad smile right in front of me, and how could you say no to that?

(if your some piece of crap demon I guess)

"You'll be more then that, Lo, your part of our family those boys of mine just don't know it yet. And if Dean gives you a hard time be sure and tell him I still can spank him grown man or not. And trust me he's not."

-

"And why would he do that?"

It was becoming clear that keeping my temper, something I'm know not to do just ask the monster with a hole in his gut, around Dean Winchester was going to be more tricky then I thought it would be.

"He thought you boys needed someone to watch your backs, after all it is a big bad world filled with all sorts of things, so here I am."

At this time I had been following them town to town the moment they started on their big journey, helping when it was life-threatening but mainly just watching out for them (and you can see why), but it was about time I got to join in on all the fun.

(if you can call scarecrows and bloody mary fun)

"But why the hell did he send you when he could have sent anyone else? Bobby, Caleb, why a _little girl_?"

It only took two words '_little girl_' and I lost what self-control I had left and the angry that had been building up come flooding out.

('little girl' brought me back to the smell of burning flesh, unbelievable pain, and a pair of damn yellow eyes)

Under minute and he was face down on the floor, yeah, so much for keeping in check and the whole family reunion I'd envisioned in my head.

It didn't take long, plus Sammy was off to the side minding his own business, because I already know what moves he was going to pull and how to counteract them.

(can you believe he was actually going to head-butt me? So much for training like a soldier)

"Does this answer your question, _Winchester_?"

With a push he was up and as far away as possible but unharmed, I had promised John I would protect them so killing Dean wasn't an option, expect for a few rug burns on his cheeks.

"Very much, my god woman, I think I'm in love."

-


	2. Scarecrow

_'Dad – I pray for this whole damn world and you. I'm safe and sound no need to worry, love you. Lois. Your little girl for life.'_

-

"In your dreams, Dean. And that's one place no sane person ever wants to go."

All it took was a good wrestle mania move, some questioning and a good holy water rub down, and in I finally came to the world of the Winchester's once again.

(something I should regret but can't bring myself to regret a single moment)

"I think I'm in love...with your _car_. She's beautiful."

It wasn't the first time that I'd locked eyes their car, which has more damn family then I ever did, John had come around every now and then with her along.

She had been the first car that I ever drove loving her the moment I put my hands on the steering wheel, finally getting something wonderful after the years of horrible shoved down my throat, and have never forgotten that day since.

"She can fight even better then me and loves my baby, Sammy, I think we have a keeper."

We both smiled as the volume went to it's highest shouting out '_Paranoid_' and '_Back in Blac_k' the songs it was meant to play the moment it landed in the Winchester's world and become number one in their eyes.

"Sammy, I think I'm in-"

Warning signs were flashing before my eyes as that smile he uses on all the girls turned into something more, a smile that would only be the end of him (with me you could only get blood and fire but never love), and dropped my own before I could let it pull me in.

('_Lois, Lois, don't you get it? You belong to us and until you accept that you'll live alone with your loved one's bodies littered around you. I promise you that._')

"In love with yourself? I could have guessed."

And as fast as it came it fell just the same, the vision of his body mangled vanished but only for the moment (being alone is set in stone for this girl), and it was back to bickering like an old married couple.

(if that smile told me anything it was that this was going to be harder then I thought it would be)

"Whatever, babe."

Plus the punch to the shoulder was a nice touch, even if I was planning on aiming a whole lot lower, and I doubt he'll call me '_babe_' again.

-

"How did you get in hunting, Lois?"

Now with Sam, it would be a while before I called him Sammy like I was part of this messed up family (and trust me I'm just as messed up as they are), I had no chance of falling for him because even now it was clear that if I let myself stay here he'd be the brother I never had.

(_'Lois, you're part of this family, so is Jim, blood or not._')

"Same deal as you boys, family getting killed by those sons of bitches but I lost both parents."

Just talking about it made those memories that followed me around like a heavy weight on my shoulders, and burning me up inside each time I shut these eyes (who needs sleep anyway?), and so far the years haven't made them fade even a little bit.

(that night left a scar on me and inside me)

"I'm sorry, I guess Dean and I were the lucky ones still having dad around."

(lucky in so many ways you don't even know it yet)

"Well I was somewhat lucky myself, Sam. I had your dad to teach me how to hunt and I have Jim Murphy who adopted me when I was only five."

I could see the wheels turning getting ready to fire another batch of questions my way, and the memories were starting to flare up even more and it wouldn't be long before they took me completely over, so the dial on the radio went up higher singing of burning, yeah how perfect.

(now would be a perfect time for a decent hunt, hell I would even hunt Casper right now)

-

The questions died down fast, and I wasn't going to answer any more because the wounds were still a little too fresh, and they filled me in on the next case that John had handed them before they ran into me.

(each time the word '_dad_' came out Sam's voice had a edge to it)

The cracks in this little trip of theirs were starting to show, no playful '_bitch, and jerk_' this time just resentment and the need for revenge starting to grow in little brother.

"He's going after the yellow-eyed-demon, Dean, the one that killed mom and Jess."

Right when he said what John was after I had to bite my tongue to keep my thoughts in my head, as the hate of that son of a bitch started to flood back into my system (their burning faces flashing before my eyes), and didn't butt in or try to keep peace.

('_keep them from coming after me, Lois, keep them safe and that goes for you too, young lady_')

It wasn't long before the marry band of hunters fell apart, as Dean without knowing it called Sam _'the bad son_' and that was the very last straw, and it wasn't long before Sam was heading down the street with his bag behind his shoulder. Yeah, so much for keeping them safe.

"I will leave your ass, do you hear me?"

(my first taste of family, real family, and it turns out like this)

"That's what I want you to do."

"Goodbye, Sam."

-

For a while the only thing we had was the hum of tires and the silence, I wasn't the type to let any one cry on my shoulder and Dean wasn't the type that would let anyone see him cry, (so when he did it was even more heartbreaking), but finally he said something breaking the hours of silence.

(silence that has been my friend for far too long, only my father's praying for my soul putting an end to it)

"I'm sorry you had to see all that crap, Lois, I could say we're usually not like that but I would be lying."

Without knowing it I put out one hand, the first time in months that I've reached out for anybody without a gun in hand, (hands linked together praying for the Winchesters and Murphys at the same time), and rubbed his shoulder comforting for a few seconds.

"It's going to be fine, Winchesters are fighters remember?"

I was falling into dangerous territory, and this time I didn't have any harsh words to wash away this new set of good feelings (and this time I didn't want to), but I was doing it with out any regrets, well for the moment.

"You're right, Sammy will be fine, after all he can almost fight as good as me. Now let's go kick some supernatural piece of crap's ass."

-

('_you feel it all, don't you baby? Feel the whole damn world under your skin. How horrible.'_)

as my feet hit the ground, it took every ounce of me to get out and get ready for it to hit me all at once, I could feel the son of a bitch right away and the evil of this town almost brought me to my knees.

"You okay, _bab_-Lois?"

(both of his hands were now covering his gut and even now I couldn't help but smile)

"I'm fine, nice safe by the way, now let's get down to business."

This whole town was filled with so many people, each had secrets that we're burning holes in their souls and I was here to see all the damage done (not like I ever had a choice), and when we started passing around the pictures of victim it was clear that each one was hiding something.

(being able to tell when someone is lying is never good for a relationship)

"I've never seen so many goddamn liars in my life."

"What?"

"Nothing, just get in the car and we'll go the way they went."

As we were cruising down the road it hit me, hey after all I am a natural EMF reader (yeah how perfect is that?), and before I could stop myself I let it slip out.

"Stop here, Dean."

"What, why-"

Before he could finish the EMF detector started to go off right where I had pointed, this was not a great way to keep this whole damn mess a secret, and he looked at me like had a second eye.

(_'you may have to work on Dean, he's not very good with shocks especially ones like that._')

"How the hell did you know where to go, Lois?"

"Lucky guess, now get out."

With each step the feeling of dread was growing, and not just because the wheels in Dean's were spinning (and I though he didn't have any), and it was clear that it was coming from the spooky looking scarecrow was the source of it.

"Wow, Lois, he's fugly."

-

All the pieces were falling together, and all thanks to a glimpse of a fugly scarecrow, and it was clear that we needed to keep it was happening again.

(and so I wouldn't have to feel it the moment they get sliced open)

I should have pulled Dean back and told him that this wasn't the right way to go about things, it would only make this psychotic town mad but it was already too late.

"You should really get going, these roads aren't safe at night."

"I'm sorry?"

And before we could catch our breath we were being taken to the next town, with _'I don't want to see you two any where near here, you hear me?_' warning, but that only made us want to go back even more.

(after all hunters can't leave any case unfinished, I never have and never will)

"Now let's try it my way and save those people before that son of a bitch can get them."

"Lois?"

"What?"

"You're kind of hot when your mad."

"Thanks, but all the demons I've done in wouldn't say the same thing."

-

"They won't be happy about this one bit."

We shot at the thing, yet another piece of crap that needed a '_special_' way to finish it off (shooting and hitting the books, a perfect days work) it almost got us but we were able to get the couple to safety before he made a meal of them.

"What was that thing?!"

"Trust me you do not want to know."

-

"Here it is, Vainr, norse gods of protection and prosperity keeping the local settlements safe from harm. The villages practiced human sacrifice, one male and one female. Bingo we got our guy."

We had found out what the son of a bitch was, even now it was sending shivers down my spine, and now all we had to do was find a way to kill it.

"Did you know, Lois, that smart girls turn me on?"

"What doesn't turn you on?"

"Umm...dudes?"

"Moving on, it says that it's energy was from a sacred tree. There we have it, torch the tree kill the monster."

I was so engrossed in the book, it wasn't the first time I had gotten lost in a book about the many things I would later find myself facing later in life, that even I didn't see it coming.

"Son of a bitch!"

(you can say that again)

And before I knew was happening, only thing we saw besides each other was the butt end of a rifle (that's going to leave a mark), was black.

-

We woke up in a cellar, put side by side like a tragic Romeo and Juliet reenactment (my god I'm back in freshmen year, the girl with the knife in her boot) and two of this crazy town's people about to shut the door on us.

"What the hell is wrong with you people, why are you doing this to us?"

It was already clear that we were going to be 'one male and one female' for the sacrifice, not the first time this has happened to me and not the last (every hunter has the chance of being eaten), and for some damn crops.

"For the greater good."

-

They took us guns pointed at our heads, something that's becoming a little too familiar these days, and it was time to die or so they thought.

As we were pushed along I searched the trees for the oldest one, (don't even make a crack about the trees speaking to me), and made sure to remember where it was.

(right after the whole _'we could die, just one little kiss?' 'Not even in your dreams, Winchester_')

"How many people have you killed? How much blood is on your hands?"

We were strangers to them but I could see that they would put of them out here just for the town and it's apples, how stupid is that?

"I hope your apple pie is freaking worth it!"

-

"Sammy!"

I knew that Sam would be on his way the moment Dean didn't pick up the phone, if it was me (well I would already know) I would have done the very same thing, and when he finally got here I was ready to be saved this time.

(it would not be long before I repaid the favor)

"I take back everything I said. I'm so happy to see you. How'd you get here?"

"Umm..stole a car."

"That's my boy."

As Sam untied us both I got to see family and forgiveness at the same time, something I hadn't had a taste of since I was barely out of diapers and watching everything go up in smoke around me.

(it made me not regret finally not being alone)

"My god, it must run in the family."

But then it was action time when we saw that our creepy little friend, with his hook to rip our guts out (yeah my life is awesome), was no where to be seen and now was time to run like hell.

It didn't last long before half of the town was surround us guns at the ready to make sure we backed up and become kabobs so they could live their bullshit lives.

"Please for god sakes let us go."

At that very moment I was going to beg for our lives some more, something I hardy did anymore (me with a knife is a reason to beg for your life) but I could feel that the thing was close and it wasn't me or the boys he was going after.

"You have to let him tak-"

His hook slid right in his gut and the other one pulled his wife along with him, both of them getting a taste of what they had been doing to people for years (now they were the last to suffer from it), and that was our cue to run.

-

"Good riddance."

The sacred tree stood out like a sore thumb and with gas can in hand it was our job, before we found ourselves back on the never ending road (ready to live off of it), and watched the deadly thing go up in flames.

And things we're starting to get back to normal, a whole lot of '_bitches and jerks_' coming from Sam and Dean, and we were back the road in no time. This time it was quite clear that I was now apart of everything, plus three is better when you facing life or death.

(it helps a lot to know what's going to happen next, and sometimes it hurts)

"Thanks, Sam. I owe you my life."

"Don't worry about it, Lois, I'm sure you'll save me back soon enough."

I had no idea how long I would be with them, until I'd fulfilled my promise to John and god knows when these two won't need back up, but I was starting to not dread it.

Besides fighting for my life which I already did before I traveling with them the only thing hazardous to my health is one Dean Winchester.

"I told you, Sammy. She's a keeper and a good back watcher. But do you think she should in my bed or yours. I vote mine."

"I vote you on the floor."

"Dammit woman you're killing me."

-


	3. Faith

_'Lois – Make sure you get some sleep, for me, okay? I know how bad the dreams are, and getting worse but please remember to sleep. I don't want you to hunt without it, it could end up killing you. - Dad_'

-

The smell of pancakes, topping with everything you could possibly imagine, filled my nose for the hundredth time in only a week.

Instead of bringing back a flood of good childhood memories, watching my parents hunt from the eyes of a child (cheering as they killed the thing that was making me sick), instead it brought back that day when everything burned away.

(years after the Winchester's suffered through the very thing)

"Mommy somethings coming, I can fill it, and it hurts so much."

Even now as someone watching I could feel the pain, as if claws were scooping out my guts then putting them back in at the same time, as if I was there once again five years old and terrified.

I had set off the warning bells like a good detector but this time I was far too late and death was upon us.

"Mommy!"

It was clear that she had planned on pushing me in the shadows or at least hiding my eyes from the blood that she knew was coming but as I said it was too late.

And these wide eyes of mine, that were given innocence for a short time before those haunting yellow eyes stole it away and made sure to burn the rest of it with mommy and daddy's pieces littering the floor.

"You won't escape me, little girl, I'll always find you."

Then blackness swooped down and the only thing left was a hot scream pulling me out my nightmare.

-

When I finally woke up one hand already muffling my scream and the taste of blood from the groves my nails had dug into my skin I knew right then that sleep was something I wasn't going to get.

This lovely dream of mine always made sure to leave out the ending, besides the view of my childhood home up in flames (the idea of vengeance would come much later), of me slipping through that son of a bitches fingers and falling into the strong arms of John Winchester.

_('He's gone now, honey, trust me if I'm here he's long gone by now.')_

Right when I was about to let myself get lost in my thoughts, of how I would slip away from them and when my fear would finally die away (never is a bitter word), I got one of a few surprises when I saw Sam's smiling face.

_('you're a lonely little girl, and it will be something huge when that finally changes. Earth shattering.')_

"And I thought I was the only one who got up this early. Dean sure doesn't."

By now I was dressed, finished going over our case files, and had brought enough coffee to wake up a small army. Time these days blended together and I had too damn much of it.

"Trust me, I'll beat both of you with getting up early since sleep doesn't come naturally for me."

Before he could ask why, both hands wrapped in bandages and throbbing were hidden from his view, I was busy getting buried yet again in our latest case.

(thankfully this one didn't involve fugly scarecrows)

"What time is it?"

Even Dean couldn't resist the smell of coffee and now was busy coming back to the land of the living.

"Six."

"AM? Great, I'm sharing a hotel room with a couple of freaks."

"Don't be such a hypocrite, you're just as freaky as we are."

(well maybe not so much as me)

He took the coffee from my out stretched hand, brushing finger tips and wicked grins was turning into a morning routine, and we started another day, us _freaks_.

"Since I'm up and that itself is a miracle, let's go get us some monster ass."

-

Everything was planned out, what weapons to use, where to strike, and how to kill it but fate had something else in mind.

_('sometimes you can see it all and then the next thing you're blind as a bat, am I right?')_

A scream was locked in my throat the moment I knew it was coming and that there was nothing I could do to stop it.

But I had a choice to make, one that I had to make each time who to save and who to let fate have it's way with, and I knew which one Dean would want me to make, so I pushed the two children to safety without a second thought.

"Dean!"

The shock of it filled every pore, even from a distance I could feel it all as if I was right beside him, that tortuous second and then like that it was over.

"Dean! Oh god no!"

-

"I'm so sorry."

Without thinking I took his hand in mine, that same one that has touched my own 'accidentally' for weeks, and got a good taste of all the pain swirling around inside.

_('it's about time this soldier rested, it's about time')_

And pulled it away sooner then either of us wanted because the biggest feeling I got from his touch was that of death.

"Hey, Lois, don't be sorry. This wasn't your fault, fates a bitch and the Winchesters are on her bad list."

Sam only saw the brave face he was putting on just for him but I saw how terrified he truly was and it was starting to rub off on me.

"And Sammy you better take care of that car or I will haunt your ass."

(I wouldn't blame him, she is so very awesome)

"You're not going to die. And I don't think that's funny."

"Come on it's a little funny."

Even with the fear tugging me down it was the pain that was swelling in Sam that hurt the most.

(the pain of losing what's left of your family, a pain I know all too well)

"Sammy, I'm going to die and there's nothing you can do about it."

-

We settled back into the hotel, case files littering the floor and if I wasn't getting so damn attached each damn one would be corpses by now, and it was clear that was needed something to save Dean and fast.

_('just let me go, the both of you.' 'I'm sorry, Winchester, we can't do that.')_

"We have to find something, Lois, we can't just sit back and watch him die."

It was easier to let myself comfort Sam, no chance of losing myself only Dean can pull away the mask I've managed to build up, (_'you're just a marshmallow, baby, and it won't be long before you cave in')_, so without a single word I pulled him into my arms.

"Am I interrupting something? God, Sammy, keep it in your pants. I'm not even dead yet."

We both were up helping him to the bed, Sam surprised that he could make it all the way here by himself, but I knew that even in weakness he had more strength then anyone I know.

"I'm good. But sorry Sammy I wasn't about to die in a hospital where the nurses aren't even hot."

When he safely down, Sam off to bury his head in more books until he dropped, I placed a quick kiss on his lips.

_('I know you'll be lured in by my boy some day but just make sure he doesn't go and break that heart of ours. Otherwise I'll be there to break some bones.')_

It lasted barely a second, besides shock I could feel his hands yearning to keep me with him, before I pulled back and sat down on the beside him.

I allowed myself to finally cave in, to end this self-inflicted loneliness for the short time he has left, broke my promise to myself because this time it wouldn't be his involvement with me that ended him.

"What was that for, babe?"

His many names for me, in any other case would warrant a swift kick to the gut, has started to grow on me, not that I would ever emit it.

"Hey we might die and you're already half-way there, isn't that reason enough?"

(and in our line of work we'd never keep our lips away from each other)

"I believe so, but with a kiss like that, Lois, I would die everyday."

Then Sam was back, our little silent act unknown by anyone but us and our tingling lips, that pain finally replaced by hope.

(a feeling that I haven't felt in others or myself for years now)

"Guys, one of dad's friends, Joshua called back and e told me about a guy in Nebraska. A specialist."

"You're not going to let me die in peace, are you?"

"I'm not going to let you die period. Neither of us are, right, Lois?"

(and this marked the many years of hugging and puppy-dog eyes to come)

"Right."

-

I should be keeping my distance from him, in case I lose control of these lips once again, but right now it's my helping hand that is making sure he keeps his balance.

Instead of going right to Sam as I thought he would he reached out for me and I couldn't refuse a dying man.

(that opinion might end up being the ruin of me and my lips)

"Don't worry, Lo, I won't kiss you, I may bite though."

Each step was willed with hope at least in Sam, but Dean's were filled with acceptance of death and that was scaring the hell out of me.

_('Death follows you, Lois, and you can never outrun it.')_

But the moment the title 'faith healer' came in view, even I was a little weary of all of this, he slipped away from me just as fast as he grabbed on.

"Man, your a lying bastard. I thought you said we were going to see a doctor."

"I said a specialist, look Dean this guys supposed to be the real deal."

"I can't believe you brought me to see some guy that heals people out of a tent."

As we grew closer I was going slower with every all the sickness and hope that was filling up each and every one of them.

('_does it hurt?' 'every damn time._')

"Did you know about this, Lo?"

He was hoping not for someone to slip their hands on him and wish away his illness instead he was hoping I would take his hand back and help him escape from it all.

But I was on the side of wanting him to live.

"I was left out of it myself."

Cameras watched our every move, the moment I felt them on me I froze, and I knew that just one small step had helped expose where I was hiding but because of my need to help Dean I didn't give a damn.

"Yeah peace, love, and trust all over."

(come find me you bastard,I dare you.)

"We're sitting up front."

"Oh come on Sam."

Sitting next to them in a room of thirty or more filled to the brim with so many doubts and death sentences that I could barely keep control and keep everything from flooding in. and with shaking hands I miss every word spoken until Dean's name is called, and Sam fills with so much goddamn hope while Dean is full of dread.

"Dean, I want you to come up here with me."

I stop myself from grabbing his hand and following him up there and instead I watch letting hope sneak in when I'm not paying attention.

When the faith healer places his hands on Dean I could feel his power, any doubts fled out the door, as Dean came crashing to the ground but the problem with the whole this was the fact that the power wasn't coming from his hands.

"Dean!"

And by his side I get an eye full of one scary son of a bitch who held all of the power that I knew only by one word, reaper.

-

As we heard the joyous news that Dean was in tip-top shape, no more reasons for my lips to find his until the next time (and I hear that its not that far away), we got the news that another man around twenty-seven had bit the dust and we knew that it somewhat connected.

"When I was healed I felt, well, I felt wrong. Cold and for a second I saw an old man. And I'm telling you guys that it was a spirit."

When we had run to Dean my hands had slipped on his and at that moment it sent a chill down my spine and left a taste of death lingering on my tongue.

(_'you've had a taste of death, Lois Murphy, and it was bitter and dusty._')

"Sam check out the heart attack guy, Lois and me will visit the reverend."

Before we were in the car he had my hand in his and turned me so that I was looking into those eyes that right now were filling guilt about even being alive, and here I was thinking he might want another life ending kiss.

"You saw it, didn't you, Lo? You saw the old man when I was healed."

The lies I could tell were filling me up, those very lies that I've been telling for god knows how long (and now they barely take any effect to say), but time I decided the truth was the best wayy to go.

"Yes, I saw it."

Unlike the others he didn't demand me tell how the hell I had seen what I saw, tell my big sob story with a matter of minutes and how them not give a damn, instead it was back to business like this had never happened.

The tea the reverend's wife gave out, too sweet just like her and I was afraid it would turn bitter just like she was deep inside, to the side and jumped into questioning them.

"I'm just trying to figure out what happened."

"A miracle is what happened, well, miracles come so often around Roy."

It was clear that his wife was lying just as sweetly as demons do, ('_come with us, little girl, Johnny-boys over this way'_) but the reverend believed every word he said.

"Why, why me? Out of all the sick people, why save me?"

"I looked into your heart and you just stood out from all the others."

"What did you see in my heart?"

I kept my lips sealed when he asked this because I was afraid I would answer after all I had seen so much good things in his heart, the things that he couldn't see himself.

"A young man with a purpose, a job to do and it isn't finished."

-

"I'm sorry. Marshall Hall died at 4:17."

"The exact time I was healed."

"So I put together a list, everyone Roy has healed, and every time someone was healed someone else died. And of the illness the person was healed from."

"Someone is healed of cancer, someone dies of cancer?"

"Exactly."

"My god, it's trading a life for another."

"Wait, so Marshall Hall died to save me? _Dammit_, Sam you never should have brought me here."

"Dean, I was just trying to save your life."

"But Sam some guy is dead now because of me."

I didn't say a word but I knew how he feeling because of the shitload of blood that had been coating my hands for years now and each of them had died because of me and no one else.

(mommy and daddy were just the start)

"I didn't know. But how the heal is he doing?"

"You know how he's doing it, don't you Lois?

Instead of giving me '_you're a freak don't come near me look'_ he pulled me closer to them because he knew that that was asset right now and thankfully he had accepted me without even saying a word.

(so much for him hating surprised, and I still haven't gotten to the best parts)

"Yes I do, I knew it when I saw the old guy, we're dealing with a reaper."

-

After finished up the researched we need on the reaper, thankfully I had already done a lot before we had deal with a real one, we headed for the tent to try and stop Roy from killing another person.

While Dean went in Sam and I broke in the house and started looking for what was controlling the reaper.

It wasn't long before we found the book that Roy was using to control the reaper, filled with pictures of the victims that he had hand picked out.

"We have to find him before the reaper gets him, Sam."

And it was up to Dean to keep an eye on the service and make sure we made it to him before that son of a bitch heals another person.

"Yeah, he's picking people he sees as immoral. We'll find him, don't worry."

"But you can't let Roy heal anyone else."

He came running right to us and the reaper was on his tail but thankfully one of us could see him.

"Sam, he's coming and we can't stop him. "

has the service ended we thought that for the moment it was over but in a second the son of a bitch was back again and killing him right before our eyes.

(and I could feel every breath leaving him thanks to a wrinkled pair of hands)

"Stop it!"

"Dean, if it's not Roy who's doing it?"

"Sue Ann."

We helped him too his feet, both set of eyes watching out for another visit from our friend, and as the person responsible for it just walked away.

"Thank God."

-

"You have build a black alter with bad stuff, bones, blood. To cross a line like that. Black magic. Murder."

When I take that damned book out of Sam's hands I can feel all the power that it holds and those who have used it for so much evil. If you could feel it too I doubt you could handle it, it took me a few years to master it at the beginning being around these things would make me sick.

('_you've come pretty far, I'm not sure I can call you my little girl anymore.' 'It's fine, John, I never really was one._')

"And to think she's just doing it now to kill people she thinks are immoral, it makes me sick."

"We have to find both the cross and destroy the alter. And do it tonight."

And in no time we were ready to put an end to this, praying that no one else is sick enough to do it again (if not I'll make sure to come back and kill the next one), once and for all.

"Got another kiss for me, Murphy? We might die, you never know."

He's like a tiger ready to strike but this time it's not claws but lips that are going to rip me up, make me fall into them for a second time in only a few days, but this time I he's no where near death so it's easier to push away his eager arms.

"Just to mix it up a little I'll have one for you if you make it back here in one piece."

"Hey what makes you so confident that you won't be for dinner?"

"Because I'm a good hunter, and so are you."

"Good, wear some lip gloss like a girl this time, okay, baby?"

-

We headed for the house ready to search every where for the alter as Dean went to distract the cops with a little chase.

"Hey, gonna put that fear of god in me?"

It wasn't long before we figured out that it was the cellar, okay I kind of helped Sam along in finding it but it was screaming at me from down there, and it of course was just as horrible as we thought it would be.

Both our hearts filled with terror as I lifted up a picture of Dean in the middle of it, all the evil energy aimed right at him.

"I gave your bother life, and I can take it away."

We weren't fast enough to catch her before she sealed us in, together pushing down that damn alter sending the evil flying everywhere, and now we needed to find a away out to or Dean wouldn't be getting that kiss after all.

"Can't you see I'm doing God's work, and Dean needs die just as Layla needs to live."

"Oh shut the hell up."

-

"Come Sam, we have to get to him!"

Every step I took running as fast as I could I felt him dying, even from this far away I felt like I was in his shoes getting the live chocked out of me (bad sign, very bad sign), and it just made me run though it even faster.

Without stopped I ripped everything out of her hands knowing very well that doing so would bring about her own death, and did so out of breath and smiling.

"Bitch. You can't play God."

-

I chose the truth of the mountains of lies I could have told him, now I only have a few items I'd rather keep to myself (that not even a kiss from him could bring out), and I knew it wouldn't be long before I had to tell him everything. But for now I started out with a basics of it all, that I could feel if he was hurt or dying.

(and I bet it would be the same with Sam)

"You felt me dying, every bit of it?"

"Oh god yes, damn it hurt like hell. And I usually can't feel it that far away."

"But for me you could, how come?"

"I like you, it's that simple, Dean. We're connected."

And he wasn't the first, only the first in a long time, even now I could feel if John Winchester, the hero of my childhood and the man I sometimes called dad, was biting the dust. It was a curse and a blessing, the curse being that most of the time I can never save the ones I love.

"So I better keep those nasty thoughts to myself, huh?"

"Trust me, Winchester, you couldn't if you tried."

The day ended with the being of a tradition, a kiss for every day we keep our selves alive.

"Dammit, Lois, now I have to watch both our backs so I can get a goodnight kiss. Isn't that messed up?"


	4. Route 666

_'Dad – I think I may never come home, you were right the Winchesters are addicting, - Lois'_

"I told Sammy."

I had already braced myself for the unexpected the moment he found out knowing he would tell Sam and no one else.

"And?"

(and it was time to throw this girl out into the street like all the others)

"He's happy that he's not alone in this whole psychic thing. Me, well after last time, you saving my life and everything, it's starting to grow on me."

Besides getting a hug from Sam because we both are on the same level of freaky it was Dean that took it all in the best, maybe our goodnight kisses were fogging his brain?

"And you, Winchester, are sadly growing on me too."

"I'm like a virus, baby."

That night even with our goodnight kiss still warm on my lips, and the way his eyes asked for more, it was still filled with blood and fire always ending with a silent scream.

But this time it was not silent at all, the scratches from my nails still coming like clock work, and it was a scream that could wake the dead.

"You okay, babe?"

"F-fine."

My throat was raw from the millionth scream that has been brought in the middle of the night and I was getting ready to close my eyes brace myself for the next one when I saw Dean was standing over me.

"I told you I'm fine, Winchester."

"No you're not; I've never heard anyone scream so damn loud. Don't get up, babe, I'm getting in."

I didn't protest when he slipped under the covers and wrapped his arms around me like doing that would drive the demons of my dream world away.

(he isn't the first to try but I think he might be the only one who could do it)

"Now isn't that better?"

(more then you realize)

At the next gas station, while Sammy was planning where we would head next (another son of a bitch to make dust), I found out that my potential lover eats like he just got off a diet.

"Twizzlers, non-diet coke, and hoe-hoes, plus something healthy for Sammy."

(and I'm missing healthy food same as Sammy)

"My gods, Dean, are you eight?"

"No just starving, babe. Hurry back."

I came back aimed with carrots and snowballs in the same bag noticing that Dean usually mister fun twenty-four seven was serious as he finished off a phone call.

"Guys were not heading to Pennsylvania. I just got a call from an old friend. Her father got killed and she thinks it might be our kind of thing. She never would have called if she didn't need our help, never."

As we drove off another case calling us, and let's hope this one doesn't leave us dead or dying (which means it most likely will), I knew that the friend of his was someone special because he wouldn't be driving miles just for any one.

(and finally jealously is rearing its ugly head)

"By old friend you mean?"

"A friend that's not new."

(_'He'll break your heart in the blink of an eye, sweetheart, just don't let him do it to you, okay?_')

As John's words filled my head I knew that it was already too late, our goodnight kiss till tingling on my lips, and the only way this would end was in with me in pieces, which is the trend these days.

"Yeah, thanks. So her name's Cassie, huh? You never mentioned her."

"Didn't I?"

"Nope."

"Yeah we went out."

"Do you dated someone, for more than one night?"

The hope of being the first one that got to stay, that something other than a one night stand, was dashed and helped destroyed the courage I had begun to build up with him.

(the courage to stay and face everything as it came, and death had my number)

"Am I speaking a language you're not getting here?"

"Yeah, dad and I were working a job in Athens, Ohio. She was finishing up college and we went out for a couple weeks."

"And? Look it's terrible about her dad but it kind of sounds like a standard car accident. I'm not seeing how it fits with what we do."

"Which by the way, how does she know what we do?"

Even before he gave an answer both Sammy and me knew that she had been the first girl he had ever told about this little family business of theirs, that she had been worth it, and I would never have gotten that chance.

(demons have been my life for as long as I remember)

"You told her! You told her the secret! Our big family rule number one: we do what we do and shut up about it. I go out with Jessica for years and do nothing but lie, yet you do out with this chick in Ohio for a couple of weeks and tell her everything. Dean!"

All kinds of feelings were coming out but guilt was not one of them and that meant that he did not regret any thing he had shared with Cassie and that his feelings for her were stronger than ever before.

(with my month glued shut the whole ride, afraid of what might come out)

"Yeah, looks like."

"Dean."

Grief was coming off her in waves, a feeling that I've had way too much damn much of, but now some hope and what was left of her love for him were being mixed in.

"Hey, Cas."

But of the two of them it seemed that his was strongest, even after all the years and the new chance with someone that is just like him, and it wouldn't be long before the past came up with a vengeance.

"This is my brother, Sam, and our friend Jennifer. Sorry about your dad."

"Yeah, me too."

"My mother's in pretty bad shape, I've been staying with her. I wish she wouldn't go off by herself, she's been so nervous and frightened. She was worried about dad."

"Why?"

"He was scared, seeing things."

"Like what?"

"He swore he saw an awful looking black truck following him.

"A truck, who was the driver?"

"He didn't talk about a driver. Just the truck. He said it would appear and disappear. And in the accident, Dad's truck was dented, like it had been slammed into by something big."

"Thanks."

"Now you're sure this dent wasn't there before?"

"He sold cars always drove a new one. There wasn't a scratch on it. It had rained hard that night, there was mud everywhere. There was set of muddy tracks, from dad's car leading to the edge where he went over. One set of tracks, his."

"And the first person killed was a friend of your fathers?"

"Best friend, they owned the car dealership together. Sam thing, dent, no tracks. And the cops said the same thing they said about dad, that he lost control of his car."

"Now, can you think of any reasons why your father and his partner would be targets?"

"No."

"And you think this vanishing truck ran him off the road?"

"When you say it out loud like that...Listen I'm a little skeptical about this ghost stuff, or whatever you guys are into."

"Skeptical. If I remember you said I was nuts."

"That was then."

"I just know that I can't explain what happened up there. So I called you."

"Mom."

"I had no idea you invited friends over."

"This is Dean a friend of mine from college, his brother Sam, and their friend Jennifer."

(my god if I had to be called their _'friend'_ one more time the guns would be coming out)

"I-I won't interrupt you."

"Mrs. Robinson. We're sorry for your loss. We would like to talk to you for a minute if you don't mind."

"I'm really not up to that just now."

"I'm sorry, Jenny, this must be really hard for you."

Over the months we've gotten together, as I watched his good feelings turn to _'wishing that goodnight kiss and longing looks'_ were for him, it came to be that he called me Jenny and I got the honor of calling him Sammy.

"Good night, Sammy."

It was time to get ready for another night of flames and yellow eyes, wicked smile dancing on his face just for me (his true face that only I the pleasure of seeing), and this time I knew my favorite hunter was not coming to chance away the demons.

"Good night, Dean."

(I didn't even get a damn goodnight kiss)

The next morning besides the same old dreams (that leave marks as I wake), with no hunter to snuggle in and chase them away this night, there was also one of the black truck taking another victim and then vanishing into the night.

"Are you okay, Jenny?"

(if any other lips had called me that they would have had a broken nose by now)

It was a full on slasher movie playing out in my head as I got to watch as the next guy got crushed by that damn truck and knew right then that it was no accident.

(just another son of a bitch we needed to take down or die trying)

"Peachy."

It was time for those blues brother's suits to be whipped out, taking away our leather jackets (or preppy clothes Sammy loves to wear) and blue jeans. It was not the first time I had suited up or was it the last.

(Bobby or John always there to play boss over the phone, but usually my stunning smile got me inside without all the work or my fists)

"Well, Lo, we've never had a female hunter join us on our little FBI dress up, are you sure you can handle it?"

If I didn't like these two so damn much, knowing that doing just that would end up killing either me or them in the end, I would have knocked some sense into their tiny, tiny, brains.

(John was so damn right when he said sexist)

"Think before you speak, Winchester, I've been at the game longer then you two knew what a demon was."

I had the pleasure of knowing all the lurked in the shadows from the freaking crib, and it was not something I cared to brag about.

"I'll say this for her, she's fearless."

The moment Sammy brought up Cassie his smart-ass comments and smirks drained away and he went into silent mode.

"Mmm-hmmm."

If you know Dean even a little bit, I've gotten to know him more than I would have liked, you know that if he isn't speaking every single minute something is really wrong.

(at least I don't have to make him shut the hell up)

"Bet she kicked your ass a couple times. What's interesting is that you guys never really look at each other at the same time; you look at her when she's not looking and she checks you out when you look away. Just saying it's interesting."

Sammy knew what buttons to push to finally make Dean talk and I got to watch this little show of theirs with mute interest.

"I think we might have some more pressing issues here."

When he said this I flashed back to my lovely yet deadly dreams last night as I remembered that haunting truck killing yet another person.

(and the fact that there was not a driver insight during the whole thing)

"Hey, if I'm hitting a nerve?"

"Let's go."

He stormed out leaving, Sam and me (looking like Jazz players or g-men) so I thought it was a good idea to try and talk Sammy out of this little integration of his.

(besides I had heard enough of Cassie)

"Must you do this right before we get to work, Sammy?"

Sammy flashed me a smile, one that he had been pulling out way too much these days (thinking it would earn him a goodnight kiss), and squeezed my arm, he had been acting like this since the million times I had saved his ass.

(and trust me there would a whole lot more times before I left)

"Trust me, Jenny, I know what I'm doing."

We hurried after Dean, me trying not to join on this personal little soap opera and Sam ready to get something out of him.

Heading back to the car, after our great game of pretend (it had been quite a while since I had played FBI dress up and still it was easy as pie), it was time to talk about the case.

(but I knew that Cassie would come up in some form)

"The truck, it keeps coming up doesn't it?"

(that damn truck was all I saw when I closed my eyes and it would not leave alone until this was all over and done with)

"It's some kind of phantom truth an extension of some bastard ghost. And each victim is connected to Cassie and her family."

"Jenny and I will work that angle and you go talk to her, and you might want to also mention that other thing."

I pretended not to hear how fast Sammy pulled me on his side, because I was happy that I did not have to be around Dean and Cassie after I had just had lunch.

"What other thing?"

"You guys have some serious unfinished business, Dean."

"Fine, we got really close when I was here last time, and I told her our secret when I shouldn't have."

During all of my years of hunting, which were more than any normal hunter because I was not normal at all, I had never found one single person to share my secret with.

Only one person that was in the same boat as me and it was sinking pretty fast.

"You loved her; you were in love with her, but you dumped her. Oh, wow, she dumped you."

It was quite clear that Sammy had hit a nerve, he was sending waves of pain my way at the beginning but just like he always does he pushed it down and replaced everything with anger.

(another thing we have in common)

"Both of you in the car right now, get in the car!"

We got stuck with the research once again, remembering the years where I did every bit of it and killed the damn thing in the same night, while I knew everything Dean was doing.

(breaking this already caved in heart of mine and not even caring)

"Since Dean isn't here, maybe I could give you a goodnight kiss?"

Unlike Dean, Sammy's cheeks were a bright red as he finally said the words he had been thinking since day one, but I was not in the mood to deal with even more feelings.

(after all Dean was going through a whole lot of them right now)

"Nice try, Sammy, now let's get back to work."

It was after night of that damn truck visiting me in my dreams as it killed yet another person.

And yet again it was Sam standing over me asking if I was okay for the hundredth time in a row, rather than Dean who does not need to say a single word.

"Bad dream, Lois?"

"It's nothing new, Winchester, I'm used to them."

It was our job to find out why the truck was here, and why it had gone off pattern, killing the mayor and doing it not on the road.

While trying to ignore Cassie and Dean the best that I could, Sammy of course was wearing that goofy grin of his for the world to see, and still doing my job.

"Interesting, Dorian went missing but the case was never solved plus it was right around the time of the string of murders."

The moment we got that first piece it easy to find out why the killings had started but still we did not know to stop them.

"The killings started taking place right after the mayor bulldozed the old Dorian place."

"Get the hell up!"

Waking up Dean was something I hoped I never needed to do again; it was like waking the damn dead, when all of the shaking failed I knocked him over the head with my pillow.

"Lois, son of a bitch, what time is it?"

"Cassie is in trouble, move your ass."

The moment I said Cassie he jumped into action and we headed right to her place, hoping that the truck was not in the middle of her living room by now.

The emotions were strong as we listened to Cassie's mother as she told us about Dorian and the murders.

(it was quite clear who the ghost was and that it wanted revenge for its death)

The body was easier to find then we thought and it was not long before the car was pulled free of its watery grave.

"Let's get this done."

If I had not seen this on a regular basis, and trust me I had seen worse than this in my time, the water logged body would have sent shivers down any one's spine.

(I could feel both of the boy's disgust as if it was my own)

The moment we finished salting and burning his bones instead of his ghost burning away like all the others we were greeted by that damn truck ready to kill us all.

"Son of a bitch."

"I double that, Jen."

"Jen, we will distract that truck and Sam will burn the truck."

"How in the hell can I do that, Dean?"

"Figure something out, Sammy."

As we were speeding down the road the truck was gaining on us, not the first or the last time this would happen to us (well maybe more to him than me), knowing that we might end up dead.

Before he called Sam, he planted a kiss on my lips, yet again taking my surprise, something that most people cannot do.

(Sammy has tried the thing and I've ducked out of the way)

"What the hell was that for, Winchester?"

Trying not to let him see that I had been waiting for that kiss for days and days and hoping it would not come when we were almost dying, so much for that.

"We might die a painful death, Lo, and that is a pretty damn good reason."

I snapped back into hunter mode knowing just where we needed to be to get away from our impending doom.

"Go there, Dean."

Pointing at the empty space that was surrounded by the remains of an old building, I knew that it was just the right place we needed to be.

(never ask me why I know these things, I just do and that is why I'm still alive)

"What, why?"

"Now!"

"It's the church he burned down with the choir in it, Dean. Holy ground."

"God, Lois, I could kiss you again."

"How about that goodnight kiss, Lois? You owe me quite a lot of them by now."

The goodbye kiss he gave to Cassie still lingered around him, I was not going to be second in anyone's book even if it was Dean Winchester, but I pull up for that goodnight kiss as always.

(it had been days since his lips were on mine and his arms pulled around me and pushed away the nightmares)

"I guess I do, Winchester."

Rather than giving him what he wanted, thinking of the last few days where I had been invisible, I pushed him away and gave that goodnight kiss to Sammy.

"Goodnight, boys."


End file.
